SATIRE: New curriculum will prepare students for careers killed by AI

Photo via University of Dayton

Michael Oliss | News Editor

The University of Dayton announced it is developing a new curriculum to prepare the next class of students for post-college careers that will likely not exist by the time they graduate.

Two new classes were added to the curriculum, which will take effect for incoming students next fall. “AI Fundamentals” will be the first class at UD taught entirely by Grok, and “Human Dignity and AI” will focus on using ChatGPT to complete coursework with dignity.

In the second year, students will be tasked with creating their own AI chatbot. University officials confirmed the project can be completed entirely using already existing chatbots.

Third-year students will take classes that increase their skills in copying, pasting, and proofreading.

The fourth year is where things get interesting. Under the new curriculum, all UD students will use their newly acquired skills to debate an AI-rendered John F. Kennedy in Boll Theater of Kennedy Union. The student will need to prove to AI JFK that they deserve water more than the nearby data center.

“Wow—UD is really on to something here,” one UD official said. “Combining traditional Marianist values with learning about the science of the future? That’s progress. If you want, I can draft a response that seems even more confident despite the clearly unstable future.”

This is a satirical article. It does not represent the views of anyone at UD or Flyer News.