Porch Profile:The Women of 108 Lawnview

Porch Profile

By: Katy Hoeper – Staff Writer

FN: Give everyone in your house a superlative.

BJ: Kara would be…

MR: Most Likely to Turn into a Vegetable. Specifically Brussels sprouts.

NM: Mal is Most Likely to be a Princess in a Past Life.

MR: Fine, but Nikki is Most Basic. Bridget is Most Likely to Marry Usher. They have a birthday connection like none other.

BJ: (shrugs) We are basically soulmates.


FN: What is your house song?

BJ: “Anaconda?”

MR: Yeah, we played that like a million times at the beginning of the year.

MR: “Wild for the Night!”

NM: Yeah! By A$AP Rocky! (To FN) It’s “ASAP” but with a dollar sign. Like Kesha.

MR: No, Kesha doesn’t have one anymore! She’s professional now that she’s out of rehab and all.

FN: Care to share your most embarrassing moment at UD?

NM: Oh! I fell at Tim’s!

MR: Said everyone ever.

NM: Well, fine, what have I done?

BJ: Maybe telling your boyfriend he should “work the corner.”

NM: Wait, I let a cosmetology student do my highlights, and they turned orange. That was pretty embarrassing.

MR: For me, kicking my boyfriend, Brian, was a low moment.

NM: Yeah, it was a full on soccer kick, too. I’m embarrassed for you.

BJ: I probably don’t remember mine…

MR: (To BJ) Probably something sophomore year at Bargo’s if I had to guess.

KC: Mine can’t be shared.

NM: Oh, I can give Kara’s! She got a pulled pork sandwich from DDs one night, and then woke up the next morning and finished it. It was a low point.


FN: Who do you want to perform at Daytona?

NM: Nelly.

MR: Kara wants Riff Raff.

BJ: I’m really leaning toward Hillary Duff…

MR: Yes! All the girls would be like (breaks out dancing), and all the guys would be like yeah, uhhh, free alcohol…

MR: Wait, guys… Danity Kane.

BJ: Yes! (starts singing “Show Stoppers” by Danity Kane.)

MR: Alright, that’s enough. But yes. D.K. and P. Diddy can make an appearance because he was in their show “Making the Band.”


FN: What is the perfect method for eating an Oreo?

BJ: As an ice cream flavor.

NM: I just like mine with PB.

MR: I have two parts. First, I take the top off, dip it in milk and eat it. Then, I lick off the icing, dip the other side in milk and eat that. For the second part, I dip the next Oreo in milk and eat it. Then do it all again.

KC: I don’t eat Oreos.

NM: She really doesn’t. Last week she said to Mal, and I quote, “I don’t put that poison in my body.”

BJ: “Fill it with kale, please.”


FN: If you were to be visiting for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?

NM/BJ: Tim’s.

MR: Nikki will be married with organic twins.

NM: Yeah, I have a five-year plan, so I can take it up to 10. I will be married, I will have two children, hopefully twins, be at the peak of my career, with two rescue dogs. (To FN) I am aggressive. I can repeat that if you’d like.

MR: Hopefully I’m employed.

NM: Wait, we’ll be 31 then, won’t we? Just kidding, I won’t be at the peak of my career, I will be raising my children.

KC: I want to be a New York socialite.

BJ: I don’t really know what I’ll be doing. I don’t want to know, you know?

MR: Bridget will be a premiere nightclub owner in Nashville.

NM: Or she would be like a promoter for clubs. Like Heidi Montag was.

NM: Mallory will be wearing her white apron cooking for her kids.

MR: I will gladly be a soccer mom.

NM: You can’t drive a minivan.

MR: Hey, I grew up in a minivan so I will gladly do that.

BJ: I will not be your friend.

MR: Yeah, because you’ll be at your nightclub.


FN: Do you have any advice for underclassmen?

BJ: Tim’s every Thursday.

MR: Get DDs. Become best friends with Dave.

NM: Keep your cookie in your pants. Wait, don’t put that in there.

MR: No, definitely keep it in there!

NM: But then it’ll look like I didn’t keep my cookie in my pants!

MR: It’s funny! Don’t worry.

KC: You don’t know what your major will be, and you’ll probably change one more time, so don’t worry.

NM: Wow, Kara’s is like, sentimental. I want to change mine.

BJ: GPA doesn’t matter.


FN: What’s your favorite spot at UD?

NM: Kara’s is probably Tim’s.

BJ: Definitely Tim’s. (To FN) But spelled like “T-I-M-Z.”

NM: Mine is my specific treadmill at the Rec.

MR: I like the chapel. Not inside it. Outside of it.

BJ: (To FN) Put that little spot where people hook up outside of Marycrest for Mal!

MR: Where?

BJ: Serenity Pines.

MR: No that’s the place that everyone gets high, duh. It was even that when my parents went here.

FN: What is your spirit animal?

NM: My Boston Terrier, Drake. We’re “pawtners in crime.” That’s spelled P-A-W. You can follow him @drake_bostonterrier.

MR: Mine is a pug in a pug-in spice latte costume.

BJ: I’m probably the Grumpy Cat, let’s be real.

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