Porch Profile:The Women of 108 Lawnview
By: Katy Hoeper – Staff Writer
FN: Give everyone in your house a superlative.
BJ: Kara would be…
MR: Most Likely to Turn into a Vegetable. Specifically Brussels sprouts.
NM: Mal is Most Likely to be a Princess in a Past Life.
MR: Fine, but Nikki is Most Basic. Bridget is Most Likely to Marry Usher. They have a birthday connection like none other.
BJ: (shrugs) We are basically soulmates.
FN: What is your house song?
MR: Yeah, we played that like a million times at the beginning of the year.
MR: “Wild for the Night!”
NM: Yeah! By A$AP Rocky! (To FN) It’s “ASAP” but with a dollar sign. Like Kesha.
MR: No, Kesha doesn’t have one anymore! She’s professional now that she’s out of rehab and all.
FN: Care to share your most embarrassing moment at UD?
NM: Oh! I fell at Tim’s!
MR: Said everyone ever.
NM: Well, fine, what have I done?
BJ: Maybe telling your boyfriend he should “work the corner.”
NM: Wait, I let a cosmetology student do my highlights, and they turned orange. That was pretty embarrassing.
MR: For me, kicking my boyfriend, Brian, was a low moment.
NM: Yeah, it was a full on soccer kick, too. I’m embarrassed for you.
BJ: I probably don’t remember mine…
MR: (To BJ) Probably something sophomore year at Bargo’s if I had to guess.
KC: Mine can’t be shared.
NM: Oh, I can give Kara’s! She got a pulled pork sandwich from DDs one night, and then woke up the next morning and finished it. It was a low point.
FN: Who do you want to perform at Daytona?
MR: Kara wants Riff Raff.
BJ: I’m really leaning toward Hillary Duff…
MR: Yes! All the girls would be like (breaks out dancing), and all the guys would be like yeah, uhhh, free alcohol…
MR: Wait, guys… Danity Kane.
BJ: Yes! (starts singing “Show Stoppers” by Danity Kane.)
MR: Alright, that’s enough. But yes. D.K. and P. Diddy can make an appearance because he was in their show “Making the Band.”
FN: What is the perfect method for eating an Oreo?
BJ: As an ice cream flavor.
NM: I just like mine with PB.
MR: I have two parts. First, I take the top off, dip it in milk and eat it. Then, I lick off the icing, dip the other side in milk and eat that. For the second part, I dip the next Oreo in milk and eat it. Then do it all again.
KC: I don’t eat Oreos.
NM: She really doesn’t. Last week she said to Mal, and I quote, “I don’t put that poison in my body.”
BJ: “Fill it with kale, please.”
FN: If you were to be visiting for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?
MR: Nikki will be married with organic twins.
NM: Yeah, I have a five-year plan, so I can take it up to 10. I will be married, I will have two children, hopefully twins, be at the peak of my career, with two rescue dogs. (To FN) I am aggressive. I can repeat that if you’d like.
MR: Hopefully I’m employed.
NM: Wait, we’ll be 31 then, won’t we? Just kidding, I won’t be at the peak of my career, I will be raising my children.
KC: I want to be a New York socialite.
BJ: I don’t really know what I’ll be doing. I don’t want to know, you know?
MR: Bridget will be a premiere nightclub owner in Nashville.
NM: Or she would be like a promoter for clubs. Like Heidi Montag was.
NM: Mallory will be wearing her white apron cooking for her kids.
MR: I will gladly be a soccer mom.
NM: You can’t drive a minivan.
MR: Hey, I grew up in a minivan so I will gladly do that.
BJ: I will not be your friend.
MR: Yeah, because you’ll be at your nightclub.
FN: Do you have any advice for underclassmen?
BJ: Tim’s every Thursday.
MR: Get DDs. Become best friends with Dave.
NM: Keep your cookie in your pants. Wait, don’t put that in there.
MR: No, definitely keep it in there!
NM: But then it’ll look like I didn’t keep my cookie in my pants!
MR: It’s funny! Don’t worry.
KC: You don’t know what your major will be, and you’ll probably change one more time, so don’t worry.
NM: Wow, Kara’s is like, sentimental. I want to change mine.
BJ: GPA doesn’t matter.
FN: What’s your favorite spot at UD?
NM: Kara’s is probably Tim’s.
BJ: Definitely Tim’s. (To FN) But spelled like “T-I-M-Z.”
NM: Mine is my specific treadmill at the Rec.
MR: I like the chapel. Not inside it. Outside of it.
BJ: (To FN) Put that little spot where people hook up outside of Marycrest for Mal!
BJ: Serenity Pines.
MR: No that’s the place that everyone gets high, duh. It was even that when my parents went here.
FN: What is your spirit animal?
NM: My Boston Terrier, Drake. We’re “pawtners in crime.” That’s spelled P-A-W. You can follow him @drake_bostonterrier.
MR: Mine is a pug in a pug-in spice latte costume.
BJ: I’m probably the Grumpy Cat, let’s be real.