Porch Profile: The Women of 435 Kiefaber

By: Erin Ottesen – Porch Correspondent

FN: How did you all meet?

Madeline Felipez: We just talked about this and couldn’t figure it out.

Emma Jensen: Like I said, we’re all popular busybodies.

Allison Kurtz: Here’s the story officially: Alise, Allison and Allie lived together in Marycrest. Kelsie and Emma lived in Stuart. Alise and Madeline joined Delta Sig and met Kelsie and then we all lived together junior year, except Madeline.

Allie Gauthier: Madeline and I have known each other since high school, but she was a jock and we never hung out.

AK: We’re just living with Madeline for the house.

Kelsie Sartain: And the baking.

FN: If you could give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?

AG: Okay, Alise is Most Likely to…

MF: Have Hacked a Computer System.

AK: Be Coding for Fun.

AG: Alise, she’s Most Likely to be a Boss A— B—h in the next five years.

AK: Kelsie is Most Likely to be Eating Mochi Balls.

MF: Allison gets an un-superlative, Least Likely to be Wearing Pants and Worst Fish Mom.

AK: I’ve revived her like seven times.

KS: She’s also Most Likely to be Snapping Lyrics. Madeline is Most Likely to be Baking a Cake.

AK: Or, you walk downstairs and there’s a five course meal made. Also, she’s Most Likely to be Missing in Action for Two Days.

KS: Emma’s Most Likely to be Shopping.

AG: Emma’s a triplet. She’s Most Likely to Live Next Door to Her Brothers and Have Triplets of Her Own.

KS: Or live in her brother’s basement.

AK: Allie’s Most Likely to be Sleeping Past 3 p.m. or Yelling at the TV Out of Excitement.

Alise Jarmusz: Also, Most Likely to Put Emphasis on Most of Her Words.

AG: They’re all im-port-ant-a.

KS: I’m Most Likely to be the First Mom.

EJ: Yes she is. And Be in Bed before 10 p.m. And Be Cold.

FN: What is on your bucket list for this semester?

AJ: I wanna go to Mendelsons.

AK: It’s a strange thrift shop.

EJ: I wanna go to Second Street Market for some crepes.

MF: I feel like that’s advice, haven’t you done that?

EJ: I wanna go back.

KS: I wanna go to Pine Club.

AJ: Let’s all go and get burgers, I can’t afford steak.

AK: I completed staying up 24 hours on my birthday.

AG: Her birthday is St. Patrick’s Day. I want to do a fish funeral.

AK: I’m not purposely killing Sheryl Crow for a fish funeral, although that would be ideal. Not because I want her dead but because I want a funeral-themed day drink.

AG: R.I.P. Sheryl Crow.

MF: There’s a way you can climb to the roof of Holy Angels and I wanna get up there.

FN: What is your most embarrassing moment at UD?

EJ: I don’t have one.

KS: Yeah, you do. You have so many. Remember when you fell with the lunch tray? Or fell off the stage dancing?

EJ: During my final for dance class. She made me start the whole thing over after I fell.

MF: I still maintain that Alise’s most embarrassing moment was when she dressed as the log lady.

AG: That was an on-point costume.

MF: Should I tell mine?

AK: When you fell getting dressed?

MF: I had just gotten out of the shower and got my ankle stuck in my underwear and I fell.

AG: I got more than I bargained for.

FN: If you were all back for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?

EJ: Kelsie would have three kids.

AK: And be living in her house in Utah.

KS: I honestly probably won’t be at the reunion, not gonna lie.

AK: Madeline will be living in Chicago and working for a sports person.

MF: Or hopefully be a famous singer.

AJ: Allie will be the editor-in-chief of a gossip magazine.

EJ: And she’ll sign the editor’s note “Xoxo, Gossip Allie.”

AK: Emma will move into her brother’s house.

EJ: And that’s when I’ll start dating.

AJ: Allison’s gonna be married to a famous musician.

MF: She’ll show up to the reunion on a tour bus.

EJ: Alise will be CEO of a company.

KS: She’ll have too much money than she’ll know what to do with, but she will be too busy to spend it.

AK: She’ll go from a 60-hour-week to a 40-hour-week.

FN: What is your spirit animal and why?

AG: Gossip Girl, I only care about gossip.

MF: Michelle Obama, because she’s got incredible arms. She’s a great, fantastic role model and has fantastic arms.

KS: She made my lunch in school not good.

AK: Mine would be Keira Knightly or Johanna Bennett because she married a Kings of Leon and dated an Arctic Monkey. Alise’s is a Mexican squirrel, ¿donde estan mis pantalones? Kelsie might be a koala, maybe.

EJ: No, a kangaroo.

AK: She’s got that pouch for the babies.

AJ: I’m a moose because it’s almost my last name and I’m almost Canadian.

AG: Emma’s a bumble bee, always buzzing from one thing to another and sweet like honey.

EJ: Well, Madeline is queen bee.

MF: I would never try to steal that title from Allie, she’ll kill me in my sleep.

FN: Do you have any advice for underclassmen?

KS: Explore the city of Dayton.

AJ: Don’t take everything for granted.

AK: Appreciate the time you’re sitting and doing nothing.

MF: If you get nachos at VWK, get them to go. They give you double.

EJ: If you go to The Blend: White Cow, skim milk, no whipped cream.

KS: Don’t spend your life studying.

AK: Milano’s is a second home, sometimes.

AG: Get a Tim’s VIP card, if you can. It’ll change your life.

AK: This is the last time you can wear sweatpants, be hungover and not be embarrassed.

AG: Get involved with Flyer News and follow me on Twitter @alliemgauthier.

FN: Anything else you would like to add?

AK: Take advantage of the time you have on campus because senior year, you’ll be like “I’ll walk a little slower because I don’t know how many more times I’ll be walking this path again.”

EJ: Okay, this isn’t sad.

AG: Xoxo, the end.

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