Editor mourns loss of Kettering Wrap, VWK menu items

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SATIRE

By: Mary Kate Dorr – Asst. A&E Editor

Recently, while anxiously awaiting my turn to order lunch in the dining hall of my new home in Virginia W. Kettering Hall, I overheard a student utter the most unthinkable phrase.

“I’m transferring.”

I was shocked. Dumbfounded. Horrified. What turn of events could have possibly lead a UD student to verbalize something so terrible? And that’s when I saw it: among the menu of familiar sandwiches, there was white duct tape across the most beloved of entrees. The Kettering Wrap had been removed.

I thought this was surely a joke. But the grave faces of the employees, and the tears in the eye of the student who only longed for a wrap doused in chipotle ranch sauce and fried chicken fingers told me otherwise. OK, there weren’t actual tears, but I can only imagine the sorrow overtaking his soul in the moment he learned the fate of the famous VWK wrap.

As the week went on, there was rarely a moment in the VWK sandwich line in which the Kettering Wrap was not brought up. Employees assured students this was not a decision of theirs, and directed the outraged to an email address in which they could voice their concerns. This approach was taken by many, including some of my fuming friends who sent several rants to any administrator somehow connected to the food services.

In retrospect, my dear friends are no strangers to complaint emails when it comes to the elimination of beloved and staple items in their dining plans. Last year, when the pasta and peanut butter and jelly bar vanished from the menu, I can assure you the dining services’ inbox was flooded with the heartbreaking rants of my neighbors. It was no surprise when I came home to find my roommate writing a strongly worded email to dining services in hopes of bringing back the Kettering Wrap.

According to the emails and business plans received from dining services, the Kettering Wrap has been removed because VWK is trying to avoid replicating the dining experiences of the other halls, such as Marycrest’s pasta bar or chicken tenders. VWK is focused on “Destination Dining.” However, for the entirety of my freshman year, VWK was the destination of the famous Kettering Wrap. It is now the destination of crushed dreams and students’ tears. And yes, mom, I know you’re reading this and no, I am not being melodramatic.

Because ridding students of the joys of the Kettering Wrap wasn’t painful enough, VWK has also downsized their breakfast buffet. According to dining services, this was a decision based on cost and last year’s breakfast options available in “Passports” were merely a trial. This means students can no longer receive breakfast burritos, quesadillas or yogurt parfaits and the warm breakfast options are not available on weekday mornings. This leaves students with the choice of bagels, muffins, cereal or cinnamon rolls during the weekday, and I think we can all agree that Michelle Obama and child-obesity activists worldwide would be severely disappointed.

If you’re still mourning the loss of the peanut butter and jelly bar, that was also mentioned in the several emails I had the honor of reading. Unfortunately, the weekend delicacy was cut due to budget, as dining services claims it was not a big seller. But my question for you, dining services, is can you truly put a price on the joy of ordering a peanut butter, banana and potato chip sandwich held together by two waffles, without being even remotely judged? I don’t think so.

For all of you still in denial about the loss of these beloved menu items, I have a single shred of hope for you to hold on to: VWK has mentioned they may be rethinking some of the recent changes during fall break.

My deepest sympathies go out to all who were affected by the loss of your favorite wrap. More so, to every girl who ever told herself she was still sticking to her diet when ordering the chicken tender salad, because, like, it’s still a salad, right? I also hope you can control your anger when you look at the menu and see that while the best-selling Kettering Wrap has been lost, somehow we still serve the Vegetarian. Rest in peace, Kettering Wrap. Gone but not forgotten.

Editors note: Dining services could not be reached for comment.