The 10 best spots on campus to cry after failing an exam
Photos via University of Dayton
Michael Oliss | News Editor
10. The private, gender neutral bathroom on the third floor of KU
This all-inclusive, high-end shitter is one of the cleanest on campus and never runs out of TP or paper towels. The mirror is so clean you can see every pore in your face as you weep. The acoustics are fantastic! Your whimpers about regret will sound like a soothing blend of Whitney Houston and Freddie Mercury.
9. Humanities Plaza
What’s dominance to you? Is it big biceps? Expensive clothes? To me, dominance is standing in the middle of a crowded area and sobbing uncontrollably while screaming that you’re fine. This is a great way to get more comfortable with public speaking.
8. The Stage of Boll Theatre
Anything goes when you’re on stage. You can bawl like a little baby for minutes and minutes, until there is nothing left inside you. Then, when you get off stage, people might clap. I just found out about this. It is called acting. Apparently, I’m an expert at acting like I haven’t been crying.
7. Roesch Library – Study Room 6C
This room, containing a window, chair, and desk, is an underrated place to stare out at the world and cry at nothing in particular. After trying to study for fifteen minutes and realizing you’re screwed for that test tomorrow, simply raise your head, look outside, and respect the silence of the sixth floor of the library by crying at a low decibel level.
6. The Corner of Lawnview and Stonemill
You may be shocked to see this seemingly normal street corner listed above such recognizable UD landmarks, but don’t bash it before you try it. Next time you’re going through a breakup or have to put down your cat, walk over to the corner of Stonemill and Lawnview. Choose between crying underneath a tree or crying under the sun at one of the best street corners in the UD area.
5. ArtStreet Cafe
People who eat at ArtStreet Cafe do so because they fully accept the risk of someone breaking down in tears at any moment, so there will be no judgement. In fact, all the employees of ArtStreet Cafe are trained extensively on hugging, passing tissues, and asking awkwardly if you need water, making this a great place to watch Schindler’s List.
4. Women’s bathroom, first floor, Kettering Labs
I’ve been kicked out of this bathroom numerous times, but when the bathroomgoers see me in tears, they often treat me nicer. Someone wise once said: “A man’s bathroom is a pit stop. A woman’s bathroom is an emotional reset station.”
3. Roger Glass Center for the Arts
You may have noticed I didn’t mention a specific room. Just the entire building. Well, I mean the entire building can be cried in. Roger can handle a good cry anytime, anyplace. Do it. Cry at the Roger Glass Center. Why are you still reading? Roger wants you to weep within his walls. Now.
2. Lunch Time!
I don’t care where you do it but it sure does feel good to cry while you eat. You’re gonna wanna eat something real soft and absorbent – like something with tortillas or bread. You haven’t lived if you’ve never wiped away tears with a football-sized chunk of a baguette and then tasted your sadness in French.
1. With Your Friend
This one’s corny, yes, but it works. Crying alone is okay, but crying next to someone who doesn’t run away? Way better. It’s like having a safety blanket that can tell you everything will be okay. It’s better to cry with love beside you than silence around you. I don’t know who said that or if I just made it up, but it’s true.