The Women of 414 Kiefaber


By: Janine Costello – Porch Correspondent

FN: How did you all meet each other?

Megan Schone: It was freshman year.

Brie Sandrige: Well, freshman year, Megan wouldn’t talk to me and I had to log into her Facebook and accept my own friend request.

Kaitlyn Richards: Brie and I stayed in the same hotel for move-in weekend freshman year, and she was really dressed up to go out to dinner with her parents. I remem­ber this because I thought she was wearing fake eyelashes, and I was so nervous that all the girls at UD would be the type to wear fake eye lashes when hanging out with their parents. Not the best first impres­sion…

BS: OK, but by the way, my eye lashes aren’t fake!

Maggie Quinn: Megan and I roomed together freshman year.

KR: Ellen and I went to high school together.

Kathleen Tabb: Maddy and I went to high school together also.

Alex Migley: Maggie and I roomed together freshman year.

BS: So, we’ve all known each other for a while now.

Lauren Gunn: Wait! What about me?

Kelly Collins: Lauren… we met you freshman year when you were wearing a duct tape Natty Light Halloween costume.

MS: Can we please attach a picture of that?

LG: No!

KC: I think my hair is graying.

FN: If you had to give every­one in your house a superlative, what would it be?

All: Yes, we do these all the time!

MS: Brie is Most Over-Rated Hu­man.

BS: Megan is Most Likely to Not Finish Her Sentences.

ALL: Kelly Collins is Flirtiest!

BS: Maddy is the Biggest Tease.

Ellen Grichocinski: Kathleen is Most Gluten Free.

KT: Hey guys, it’s 6 p.m. on a Fri­day and I’m still gluten free!

LG: Kaitlyn is Most Masculine or Biggest Boy.

KR: Ellen is the Best Mom.

EG: I don’t like being called a mom!

KR: Well, you don’t get to pick your superlative.

MQ: Alex is Most Fit.

AM: Most fit?

BS: Yeah, no, Alex is Most Likely to be Eating Popcorn.

MW: Maggie is Maggie “Plus One” Quinn.

BS: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride!

LG: Uh, girls! Still don’t have one…

EG: Lauren’s the spiciest!

BS: We hate to tell you this, but you are everyone’s favorite room­mate.

ALL: Very true.

FN: If you were to be visiting for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?

KT: Everyone would be drunk.

KC: I can promise you, none of us would be married or in a rela­tionship.

MS: Except for Lauren! She would be married and would be the first to have a baby.

KT: Lauren would be having her baby, and we would all be in the delivery room in Miami Valley.

BS: Wait, can we change the ques­tion to, “If Lauren was having a baby in eight years, what would we all be doing in the delivery room?”

KT: Yeah, I still think we would all be drunk… the B.A.C.’s are not doing too hot.

BS: Auntie Brie would not be pay­ing attention whatsoever.

EG: Kathleen would be taking DLM orders… aka Dorothy Lane Market orders. It’s her favorite place.

MW: Maggie would be the nice one holding her hand.

BS: But Maggie would also have a plus one chilling in the waiting room.

LG: Ellen would be pacing the room in tears.

EG: That is very correct. Brie is still not paying attention to the sit­uation at all.

MQ: Megan would be the most awkward human in the situation.

MS: And Maddy would probably just faint.

EG: Kelly is going to be putting holy water on her forehead.

BS: Kaitlyn just got a Wendy’s 4-for-4 and isn’t there—she’s watching the game.

KR: Ugh and I’d probably be wear­ing basketball shorts.

LG: Kaitlyn would walk in to the delivery room saying, “Sorry I’m late guys. The game was on.”

FN: Is there any advice you want to give to first-years?

KT: Please don’t come to our house and drink. We will get in trouble.

BS: But like, come to our house. It’s fun. Also, get good grades now because you’ll regret it later if you don’t.

KC: Study abroad!

KR: Go to the gym.

LS: Definitely stay skinny for as long as you can.

BS: Never have meal plan money left over on your card.

KT: Take classes with all of your friends.

MQ: Love the ones you’re with.

All: Typical Maggie quote.

BS: Get a boyfriend if you can. And go to a lot of themed par­ties, so you aren’t forced to actually look cute all the time.

LS: But if you do go to a themed party, don’t dress as a Natty Light can.

MS: Do not steal signs from hous­es because you will end up break­ing your nose.

KT: Alright, throw me under the bus while you’re at it!

FN: If you could change any­thing about UD, what would it be?

BS: I wish we could have an un­der ground pool.

EG: Or a lazy river.

LG: It would be amazing if we had a lazy river on campus that we could jump in to take us to all of our classes and throughout the student neighborhood!

MQ: You have definitely been thinking about that one for a while haven’t you?

KC: Butter Cafe should accept Flyer.

KT: Dorothy Lane Market should deliver.

BS: It would be nice if DD’s would just permanently be parked outside of our house.

KC: But in reality, I don’t think we would ever want to change any­thing about UD.

MQ: RT that.

FN: If our house were to come with a warning label, what would it say?

MQ: Be careful on the stairs.

FN: Is there anything else you guys would like to share about yourself ?

All: We would like to let every­one know we have an 11th room­mate. His name is Kevin J. Hogan. Cheers to our 11th roomie.

Photo courtesy of the women of 414 Kiefaber. If you and your roommates would like to be featured in a porch profile, con­tact A&E editor Mary Kate Dorr at

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