The Women of 33 Jasper

By: Janine Costello – Porch Correspondent

FN: How did we meet each other?

Maggie Engles: Katy and I were roommates freshman year.

Olivia Lipka: Katy and I met on a playground in 1st grade.

Sarah Berger: We have all been roommates with Katy at one point in our lives. But everyone met on 5th floor of Marycrest.

OL: Oh, the nostalgia.

Taylor Lorentzen: And Sarah and I met on Facebook.

Katy Hoeper: Liv and I drove to Chicago to meet Maggie before we moved in freshman year.

OL: We met over tons of tea.

KH: Guys, side note, look at your groupchat. Maggie texted herself 17 times.

FN: If we had to give everyone in our house a superlative, what would it be? 

SB: Janine is Most Likely to Miss a Job Interview for a Bad Hair Day.

OL: Maggie is Most Likely to Not Participate in Daylight Savings. Also, Janine is Most Likely to Throw Up on her Crush.

ME: Liv is Most Likely to Apologize for Getting Hit by a Car.

SB: Katy is Most Likely to Run into our Landlord’s House with No Pants On.

OL: Sarah is Most Likely to Pull Off Wearing a Lampshade and Still Look Hot.

KH: Taylor is Most Likely to Not be “F-ing Smiling” All the Time.

OL: Yeah, Taylor is Most Likely to Shock You with her Aggression.

SB: She’s low key kind of scary. Don’t let the high-pitched voice fool you.

KH: Can that be our tagline? Just because I’m little and blonde doesn’t mean I’m happy all the time.

FN: If we were to be visiting for our 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?

ME: Janine would be a wife or girlfriend of a professional athlete and Liv would be pregnant doing yoga in the middle of the ocean.

OL: Katy would be CEO of GirlRock Inc. getting a lot of stuff done, as always. Sarah would own a gallery and be the artsy friend for the rest of her life. Also I picture our 10-year reunion at Sarah’s gallery and she’s going to look better than all of us.

TL: Sarah we get it, you’re hot!

LL: Janine would definitely be on a TLC reality TV show.

KH: It will be like “Chrisley Knows Best” but instead, “Janine Knows Best.”

OL: Real Housewives of Jasper! Wait, can we give our landlords a superlative too?

SB: Our relationship with them is kind of on the rocks right now so we probably shouldn’t risk it.

FN: Is there any advice you want to give to first-years?

ME: Befriend Maggie and Olivia cause we’re going to need roommates when we’re fifth-years.

KH: Bounce around Marycrest and just talk to random people.

TL: That sounds awful, I’m not that friendly.

ME: Eat the berries from the bushes around campus.

OL: Once Maggie ate one of the berries and so we looked up if it was edible and it said you probably won’t have any symptoms from it but in some cases, you will die within three hours of eating the berry.

ME: But I didn’t die so I recommend trying them! Also participate in St. Nick’s day, and put your shoes outside your room so they can be filled with candy.

KH: Listen to NPR about what color is and you will have the best night ever.

TL: Yeah, I got bored trying to listen to that.

KH: Work out as a freshman so you won’t have to when you get too busy as you get older.

OL: I don’t think it works that way…

TL: Just count walking up the CPC stairs as your workout and you’ll be set.

FN: How would you sum up your Halloween?

OL: Getting woken up at 10am to take pictures and to answer questions for this Porch Profile.

TL: Maggie not showering and wearing the same costume for four days straight.

OL: We did Jojo’s dance a lot.

SB: He doesn’t even go here!

OL: Also attempting to watch multiple scary movies and failing every time.

TL: Chasing with ketchup.

OL: Katy and I sang the Oscar Meyer song in every different way possible. Great Halloween.

FN: If our house were to come with a warning label, what would it say?

KH: Be prepared to pay the fine for bringing your pet over for a few minutes. And don’t attempt climbing the stairs unless you have hobbit feet.

OL: Warning: So much banana bread spread on the walls.

FN: Is there anything else you guys would like to share about yourself?

All: We’re just 6 girls on a mission to normalize the consumption of insects *cricket, cricket*