The Women of 306 Stonemill
By: Janine Costello – Porch Correspondent
FN: How did you all meet each other?
Claire Garvin: Erin and I lived on the same floor in Stuart freshman year.
Chloe Demarsh: Grace and I met through Zeta freshman year.
Erin Limes: So we all knew each other and then junior year we chose this random girl, Jessica, to join our house.
CG: We heard she was normal through friends, and then we found out she’s definitely not…
Jessica Pozniak: Thanks guys.
FN: If you had to give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?
JP: Chloe would be Most Likely to be the Octomom for Dogs.
EL: Or Most Likely to Talk in Her Sleep.
CD: Jessica is Most Likely to Lay on the Floor of Timothy’s Bar and Grill.
JP: That always seems to happen in my white shirt…
Grace Ahern: Claire is Most Likely to Dance with an International Student.
CG: Erin is Most Likely to Play Footsie with a Stranger or Most Likely to Have a Foot Fetish.
CD: She just loves feet…
JP: Everything that I’m thinking for a superlative for Grace is not OK to say out loud…
EL: Yeah Grace, you probably should just move out.
GA: Most Likely to Not Get a Superlative… me.
FN: If you guys were to be visiting for your 10-year reunion, what would you all be up to?
EL: We would definitely all still be living together.
CD: Would it still be considered a reunion if we were all living together still?
JP: In 10 years, we will still be stomping at Tim’s.
CG: While singing Katy Perry at the top of our lungs.
GA: So, basically will be exactly what we are now in 10 years.
CG: Should I say we would all be successful? Would any of us even be? Probably not. Successful at liver failure has a very high chance though.
FN: Is there any advice you want to give to first-year students?
GA: Buy Burnett’s, it’s cheaper.
CG: Quantity over quality. Also, it sounds cheesy, but we all met freshman year so keep your door open!
EL: When you walk past a room, compliment people’s lights.
CG: Yes! Compliment them even if you don’t like what they have.
GA: Do your dishes or you will end up with bugs like us.
EL: Get your hair out of the drain.
GA: Don’t wear animal print.
CD: Pencil skirts will never be in.
JP: Also though, never say never! Yes, that was a direct quote from Justin Bieber.
FN: If you could add anything to UD what would it be?
EL: Pizza by the slice!
GA: Late night pizza by the slice!
CG: I would add an underground tunnel that could be used to get around campus.
CD: All I would want is a Dunkin’ Donuts.
CG: Oh and we also need access to our basements and Burnett’s flowing from the KU fountain would be nice.
EL: Wait, Grace is Most Likely to Drink Burnett’s!
FN: If your house were to come with a warning label, what would it say?
JP: “Caution: girls with no pants on!”
EL: I want to take credit for that trend!
JP: “Psychotics at play.”
CD: “Aspiring Beading Artists.”
CG: Or more accurately, “Caution: girls who think they’re crafty but get too frustrated to finish crafts every time.”
FN: If you had to pick your spirit animal, what would it be?
JP: Cheetah because I love to run away from my friends, and also into things. I don’t mind running for exercise, but it’s more at a snail’s pace. Is that dumb?
CD: Not dumb, very factual.
GA: I’d be a giraffe because I’m tall and peaked when I went to Africa.
CD: I’m a Rhodesian Ridgeback because one time I snuggled with one and we had the same-size paws.
EL: I’ve been told I’m an otter, so take it as you will.
JP: What is Claire’s?
CG: I think I would be my dog. She lives the best life imaginable just sitting around and eating chocolate. She can’t hear anything though, so that’s a downside.
EL: I’m actually a lion because my hair is big in the morning and Chloe, the Rhodesian Ridegback, chases after me. I also want to make Chloe be a hamster because she makes noises in her sleep all night.
FN: Is there anything else you guys would like to share about yourself?
CG: Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?
CD: Eight days gluten free!
Photo by Multimedia Editor Chris Santucci: Chloe Demarsh, Jessica Pozniak, Claire Garvin, Erin Limes and Grace Ahern plan to still be singing Katy Perry at their 10-year reunion.
If you and your roommates would like to be featured in a porch profile, contact A&E editor Mary Kate Dorr at firstname.lastname@example.org. To apply, include your contact information, address, the names of your roommates and a fun fact about why you should be featured.