The Women of 128 Evanston
By: Janine Costello – Porch Correspondent
FN: How did you meet each other?
Emily Carmack: Ali and I were direct roommates freshman year.
Kati Maselli: And I lived next to Molly freshman year.
Ali Doughty: And Kendall was just always in Founders.
EC: Seriously, we would turn around and she was just standing there.
AD: Nobody really knows how we met Jill.
EC: I think we met Jill through some of our guy friends, maybe?
Kendall Wolowicz: I think that was the night we were singing the full soundtrack to “High School Musical.”
Jill Tomczak: Honestly, my first impression of you guys was five girls screaming “No Interruptions” and ripping shots of Korski.
FN: If you had to give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?
EC: Oh, don’t worry, we’ve thought of these before.
KW: Why would you ever tell them that?!
EC: Kendall is Most Likely to be Heard Blowing Her Nose in the Middle of the Night.
AD: From eight miles away.
JT: Kati, Ali and Molly are Most Likely to Wear Socially Unacceptable Shoes Everywhere They Go.
Molly Heigel: I’ve worn my Velcro shoes to Tim’s too many times.
KW: I’m so mad I lost one of my pairs of jellies.
AD: I’ve spent $45 on jelly shoes and don’t regret it.
KM: Jill is Most Likely to be Making the Farting Noises.
AD: And Most Likely to Order a Beach Club from Jimmy John’s.
JT: What! I’ve ordered a Beach Club three times in my whole UD career.
KM: She is also the Most Likely to Peer Pressure Us to Eat Chinese Food.
EC: We’re just making these up, she doesn’t even like Chinese food.
AD: But in my defense, she always talks about Beach Clubs.
JT: Okay, I did order a Beach Club twice in one day and then again on Monday. I don’t know why, considering I don’t even like them.
KW: I have a great one for Emily.
EC: Kendall don’t say it. Kati is Most Likely to Get a Citation for Being Too Sexy and also Most Likely to Give a Citation for Being Too Sexy.
KW: I don’t like this anymore, I feel weird.
FN: If you were to be visiting for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?
EC: Kendall is going to be married to Reed and have three ginger babies.
JT: Oh, and for sure she will have one of those stupid little dogs.
EC: She’ll make Reed pay $3,000 for the dog.
KW: He’d willingly do it for me.
JT: Ali, in 10 years, could go either two ways. In one life, she would have seven beautiful children and she would personally homeschool all of them.
KW: Ali’s the type to birth all of her children in her attic.
JT: In the other life, Ali will be the chunkiest girl in America.
EC: She would have her own reality TV show because of how chunky she is.
AD: I’m starring in TLC’s new show – “Chunky.” Great.
KM: Molly will be like designing make up for some massive company.
AD: Molly would also own at least three Starbucks on this side of the Mississippi.
KW: Kati will be the owner of Fusion but her only job as the owner would be to tell people if they are making the rolls too big or too small.
AD: Kati will also have a vlog.
EC: Jill is going to have dreads down to her butt while she is living in Northern Michigan.
JT: That is valid, I have always wanted to have dreads.
AD: Jill would spend her free time teaching a colony of hippies how to be hippies. Emily will still be single with 12 or 13 cats all named Ralphie.
FN: Is there any advice you want to give to first year students?
KW: Don’t ever willingly live in a house with six girls and one bathroom.
EM: The Reese’s Cups add up. Sixteen pounds later…
JT: Enjoy the late night walk home from the library and look at the chapel when you pass it.
KM: I agree with that. When you walk around campus, put away your phone and just make sure to take it all in.
EC: Also a note to all first-years: We are opening applications for Molly’s potential roommates next year.
MH: My advice is don’t be a fifth year when you have no one to live with.
KM: Snapchat everything that happens to you.
KW: That contradicts everything you just said!
FN: What does 128 Evanston want for Christmas?
KW: A new toilet or actually just one more toilet.
JT: I think we would benefit from a disco ball and even a dance floor.
MH: A dance floor that doubles as a wrestling arena.
JT: Ali and I would be the only ones to use the wrestling arena and it would be amazing.
KM: Can I be the announcer?
FN: If your house were to come with a warning label, what would it say?
KM: So many things…
EC: “Warning: Bathroom door never closes.”
JT: “Warning: Kendall never has clothes on.”
MH: “Waring: We will be Snapchatting everything that happens here.”
EC: This is a great opportunity to get more followers. Hey guys! Follow us, you won’t regret it. Snapchat name: emacckk.
KM: Kendall is bitter because Jill blocked her on Snapchat.
KW: It’s been over three weeks now and she still won’t follow me.
FN: Is there anything else you guys would like to share about yourself?
JT: Emily, Molly, Ali and I are single.
AD: Do you need us to put our number in here too?
KW: Katie and I want to be single.
JT: PSA to everyone reading this! Help us bring back saying “burn,” crimping hair, planking and Facebook statuses.
If you want your porch to be profiled next semester, email Arts and Entertainment Editor Mary Kate Dorr at firstname.lastname@example.org.