The Men of 236 College Park
By: Erin Ottesen – Porch Correspondent
FN: How did you all meet?
Christian Lohmeier: Freshman year, me, Kyle, Danny and LC (Christian Harmon) all met.
John Weniger: I met Kyle freshman year.
CL: I’m saying the core of us met, and we added you and Bobby on this year.
Daniel Massa: The two Christians and Kyle were on 2 North of Founders, and I was on 2 South and the four of us have lived together since sophomore year. There are a bunch of webs that connect us. Bobby, Christian H. and I are all sport management majors, and the other three are engineering majors.
JW: We need a less generic answer, like, “We met at Stuart field at midnight under the stars.” Just kidding, don’t put that.
FN: If you could give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?
DM: Bobby would be Most Likely to Become a Body Builder.
Christian Harmon: Kyle is Least Likely to Follow Through with a Commitment.
DM: And Most Likely to be at Wal-Mart, which is where he is right now.
JW: Christian L. is the Next Warren Buffet (pronounced “Buffay”).
Bobby Jagielski: Harmon could be Spokesman for Mac and Cheese, Next Kraft Spokesman. What does Danny do?
CL: Not much.
BJ: John, you like “Friends,” can we do something with that?
JW: “Friends”? Please, “Seinfeld.”
BJ: You’re the most ’90s kids of us.
JW: Dan, he wears those types of hoodies a lot—you do like those hoodies.
CL: Dan is Most Likely to Wear Zip-Up Hoodies.
FN: What is on your bucket list for this semester?
BJ: We gotta get LC to senior night, gotta get Danny drunk and gotta see John on a weekend. I’m thinking.
DM: I haven’t been to El Rancho yet either—I gotta get there. Gotta get big C a new laptop.
JW: Walk the tunnel, maybe, I don’t know.
BJ: And Dan, I gotta get as big as you.
FN: What is your most embarrassing moment at UD?
BJ: [To Christian H.] Is that like when he bit the shirt off of you?
CH: I guess there’s multiple for me.
BJ: Mine would be running through Marycrest in my underwear freshman year. Christian L., yours might be throwing up on the porch because the maintenance guy was in the bathroom. What’s Kyle’s?
CL: He doesn’t go out, so he doesn’t have any.
BJ: That’s embarrassing.
JW: I don’t get embarrassed.
BJ: You weren’t embarrassed that one Halloween when no one knew who you were?
JW: No, because the people who knew who I was thought it was sweet.
BJ: What about the other 70 people in the house?
FN: If you were all back for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?
BJ: Danny will be the announcer for the Indiana Pacers. LC is gonna be an account manager of some big firm.
CL: LC is gonna be a stay-at-home dad.
BJ: I’ll still be here.
DM: You’ll probably be working here.
BJ: As associate janitor. John’s gonna be making music.
CL: He’s going to be touring the world with his harmonica and guitar and groupie.
BJ: No, he respects women too much.
CL: I didn’t say they were girls.
JW: Thank you. I appreciate that.
CL: I’ll be the next Warren Buffet.
BJ: He probably won’t show up to the 10-year reunion ’cause he’s puking up the porch.
DM: He’ll probably be yelling at his seven-year-old daughter.
JW: Yes, getting overbearing about peewee soccer.
FN: What is your spirit animal and why?
CH: I’ve actually thought about this.
BJ: I’d probably say bald eagle because I’m intimidating but I’m very soft. I’m misunderstood and like to fly free, free as a bird.
CL: I’d probably say warthog because you know… hakuna matata.
BJ: Kyle needs to be something very loud that no one really pays attention to. I was thinking walrus or sea lion.
DM: I’m a dog because I love dogs.
CH: I like penguins, I think a penguin would be cool. I just don’t know a reason why—they’re professional, I don’t know. I like to swim, too.
BJ: John, what kind of bird has a mane? PEACOCK! You’re so peacock.
JW: Yeah, I could be a peacock. I don’t know why, but that’s fine.
FN: Do you have any advice for underclassmen?
JW: Oh, yeah, yeah I do and its real advice.
CL: As opposed to fake advice?
JW: Freshman year, make as many friends you can in the beginning because the friends you make later on are real a–holes.
BJ: Make a lot of friends, don’t leave on weekends and pick a real major.
CH: I know it’s so generic and so cheesy, but it’s true: Enjoy your time here.
FN: Anything else you would like to add?
CH: Go Cubs!
DM: Go Brewers.
If you and your roommates would like to be featured in a porch profile, contact A&E editor Mary Kate Dorr at firstname.lastname@example.org with your address and the names of your roommates.
Photo: Christian Harmon, Kyle Kotecki, Daniel Massa, Christian Lohmeier, John Weniger and Bobby Jagielski (not pictured) hope to spend some time at El Rancho before their senior year comes to a close. Chris Santucci/Multimedia Editor