Porch Profile: The Women of 308 Kiefaber
By: Erin Ottesen – Porch Correspondent
Seniors Colleen McDaniel, Kiersten Remster, Cathy Holt, Mara Kalinoski, Maggie Engels, Angela Solis
FN: How did you all meet?
Colleen McDaniel: Oh shoot, wait, CORE and…
Angela Solis: This year?
Mara Kalinoski: Angela, Kiersten, Colleen and I were in CORE together.
CM: Cathy and I met sophomore year.
Cathy Holt: We have a mutual friend that introduced us and I needed a place to live.
CM: Shoutout to D Quaics!
CH: I was desperate to find somewhere to live and they needed one more person.
CM: We went to a basketball game and bonded over Walk the Moon and Public, which are bands from Cincinnati.
Maggie Engels: Mara and I met freshman year.
ME: I literally don’t know how we met, it was just like one day we were really good friends.
AS: I met Colleen studying abroad in Maynooth.
CM: Now, we’re all best friends forever.
FN: If you could give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?
MK: Alright, I’ve been thinking about this for so long. Angela is most likely to be watching Food Network.
MK: Maggie is most likely to go off grid and most likely to lose everything she owns. Cathy is most likely to punch a dude but for a really good reason.
CM: Yeah, like a reason that would do Ghandi proud because he’s anti-violence but, like, he would be happy about it.
MK: Kierstan is world’s nicest dictator.
CM: It would have to be some underground country in Europe that no one has heard about because that’s where she hangs out. I’m most interesting woman in the world.
MK: Most likely to brag.
CM: Mara is most likely to be the cool aunt of my kids.
ME: Mara is most likely to own a dress factory.
MK: It would be ethical labor.
ME: Also, Mara reminds me of an old man a lot of the time.
MK: I am Danny DeVito.
FN: What is on your bucket list for this semester?
ME: Our collective bucket list is to be referred to as the anemone.
CM: We want that name because we’re like a concert venue. We have bands play here and open mics.
MK: Go on a bar crawl.
ME: I want to get rid of my poison ivy before the semester’s over.
Kiersten Remster: Make my hedgehog less antsy.
FN: What is your most embarrassing moment at UD?
MK: Every day of my life.
KR: I once in the CORE exam wrote an entire essay to the wrong question we were assigned. I was crying.
AS: I broke a clock once.
CM: Someone was yelling at me from their porch, and I thought it was a friend, so I started waving obnoxiously. I turned around and it was another person.
ME: Sophomore year, my chemistry class teacher asked, “Who’s from Iowa?” and I raised my hand. He was like, “Where are you from in Iowa?” and I was like, “Uh, Dubuque.” I’m not really from Iowa, I don’t know why I raised my hand.
MK: My friend was drawing in class and I was trying to think of what vegetable it was. I just yelled out “artichoke!” because it looked like an artichoke and a lot of people looked at me strangely.
CM: Cathy is too cool to be embarrassed.
CH: The truth is I’m just not easily embarrassed.
MK: No names, but two of our roommates clogged the toilet of the Crowne Plaza downtown– on the same day.
CH: You can out my name, I don’t care.
CM: The best part was she said, “I know you’re a human and no one should ever have to do this, but I need you to unclog this.”
FN: If you were all back for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?
CM: Angela is probably a librarian and a judge on Food Network. Maggie, oh man…
MK: Maggie will not come back because no one will know where she is. She’ll be living on a houseboat and have a cool food truck with a pet tarantula.
ME: I actually tried to get a pet tarantula once. I couldn’t because I was allergic to bees, so I got two lizards instead.
CH: I’m going live on a beach. My life will be great. I’m not going to have any kids. I’m going to be living with someone really great, and I’ll be on a beach.
CM: I probably will have the Nobel Peace Prize.
ME: I really want a basset hound named Chuck.
CH: Mara will still be hosting open mics at coffee houses and the events she hosts will be called Anemone Reborn.
MK: Semicolon Pino and Poetry. I’ll be single AF and loving it.
CM: Kiersten will have her third doctorate and will have a bunch of provocative street art. People will travel the world to see them, so she probably won’t come to the reunion.
FN: What is your spirit animal and why?
CM: Kiersten is a hedgehog.
CM, CH, MK: Yes you are!
ME: I’m Chuck, my future basset hound.
AS: I’m like a swan. Most of the time, I’m in my bed and on the couch a lot. They swim around a lot and I do a lot with my mind. I’m thinking about a lot I am doing stuff with my life, it just doesn’t seem like it, like I’m asleep a lot.
KR: I’m a meerkat because it’s sick.
CM: I’ve been told I’m like a porcupine but also a peacock.
AS: Male peacock.
AS: That’s the thing, the male peacocks are with the pretty feathers.
MK: Cath is a unicorn because she is magical, rare, wise and beautiful.
CH: Mara is a sphinx because in Harry Potter, the book, the sphinx is totally cool and intelligent and gives these crazy riddles. Mara is the queen of wordplay and intellect.
MK: Colleen could be like a jack rabbit because it reminds me of a jackhammer and you’re always like bouncing from one thing to another.
AS: When Colleen and I are by ourselves she has laughing fits that sound like a hyena.
CM: I’ll take grasshopper.
CH: A young one that’s still learning.
FN: Do you have any advice for underclassmen?
CH: *laughs* Come to ArtStreet more often because you’re missing out on treasures around here.
CM: There’s more to Dayton than UD.
CH: Leave campus, find the gems.
ME: If you get a cat, don’t name it Eric.
KR: That’s my Dad’s name.
AS: Make yourself aware of what’s going on in the world.
CH: Acknowledge your privilege and don’t be hateful.
CM: Be involved in things.
AS: You have more time than you think, you do you.
FN: Anything else you would like to add?
MK: Come to our open mic nights cause they’re really fun.
CM: Consent is Kie(faber).