Porch Profile: The Men of 420 Kiefaber
By: Katie Christoff – A&E Editor
FN: What makes your house different from any other house?
Matt Hurtubise: Anyone’s welcome.
Henry Hessel: Our door is always open… literally.
Matt VanDyke: We all lived on the same floor in Marycrest freshman year.
Joseph Riazzi: We actually know the history of this house too… a servant used to live in my room.
MH: This is one of the oldest houses in the Ghetto.
Will Shaw: Mike Posner signed our bar!
HH: And this is probably the house with the most beer signs in the Ghetto.
FN: What would be the theme song of your house?
Erik Stanbery: “Circle of Life.”
HH: We listen to it every morning.
FN: Describe your house in one word.
WS: No, she didn’t mean physically…
FN: If you had to give each of the roommates a superlative, what would they be?
WS: Joseph would be most injured.
ES: Henry is most likely to be found in a bingo hall… he really likes hanging out with old people.
WS: Henry would also be most likely to have a healthy 401k.
HH: Erik is most likely to die of a heart attack at 35…. He eats a lot of fast food.
MV: I’m most likely to try the next OJ Simpson case.
JH: Matt is most helpless.
HH: Most likely to seduce your mother.
JR: Hurtubise is most likely to marry his computer, like a sequel to “Her.”
FN: If you could have any job at UD, what would you want to be?
Kevin Colburn: I want to be part of the riot police team
JR: I want to be Archie Miller.
MH: Run UDIT.
WS: I want to run the Deli.
HH: I’d run the Golden Flyers program.
ES: I’d be a landlord in the Ghetto… they make serious bank.
FN: Do you have any house traditions?
ES: We go to Kramer’s every Friday at 5 p.m.
WS: Tim’s. It’s kind of a tradition.
HH: We do Sunday night poker.
FN: If you came back for your 10 year reunion, what would each of you be doing?
WS: I want to be the dad that holds his baby up while “Circle of Life” is playing at a daydrink.
ES: That actually happened here this summer, during Alumni Weekend.
HH: Married to Matt Hurtubise’s sister living right next door to Matt.
ES: I’ll be living in the basement of 420 Kiefaber.
MV: Henry will own (and live in) a retirement home.
JR: I’ll be the corrupt senator of North Carolina. Or Sir Purr (the Carolina Panthers mascot). Things just go my way.
FN: Do you have any advice for fellow Flyers?
HH: Look good, feel good, play good.
JR: Don’t run on top of cars.
HH: When Will’s drunk, hide your kids and hide your wives.
MV: Soak up every second of college and don’t take UD for granted.
HH: Nothing great is ever done in this life without enthusiasm.
JR: This is for younger flyers: Don’t steal signs from Ghetto houses, and appreciate Milwaukee’s Best Light.
If you and your roommates are interested in featuring your house as a Porch Profile, contact A&E Editor Katie Christoff at firstname.lastname@example.org and include your address, the names of everyone living there and one good reason why your house should be featured. There are no restrictions regarding where you live on campus, but you must be a junior or senior to apply.