Porch Profile: The Men of 321 Stonemill
By: Erin Ottesen – Porch Correspondent
Juniors Tom Cook, Caleb Negron, Patrick Bernauer, Will Van Winkle, Nick Johnson
FN: How did you all meet?
Patrick Bernauer: Myspace.
Will Van Winkle: I have known Tom since my freshman year of high school.
Tom Cook: OUR freshman year of high school.
WVW: I have known Pat since my first Wal-Mart trip.
TC: Us three bought a fish.
PB: I met Tom on my first day of college ever in orientation, and I was really scared.
WVW: Caleb was on Pat’s floor.
PB: Lemon (Nick), we met on Tinder.
FN: If you could give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?
PB: Most likely to put adobo in cereal, Taz (Caleb).
TC: Most likely to be mad about a girl, Lemon.
WVW: Most likely to tell you you’re wrong would be me. Most likely to be mistaken for a girl would be Tom.
TC: A 12-year-old pretty girl. Most likely to break the fridge, Lemon.
WVW: Most likely to be involved in a pyramid scheme, Taz.
FN: What is on your bucket list for this semester?
TC: Kiss a girl. Find a pet cat, not get one, find one.
PB: Balance work and play equally.
TC: Get married.
WVW: Make said cat mysteriously disappear.
TC: Start 401k, eat pub mix and find our salsa.
PB: Watch movies.
TC: Watch Peewee Herman every day.
FN: What is your most embarrassing moment at UD?
PB: Being asked that question.
Caleb Negron: I fell on my face on the concrete and got this scar.
PB: I accidentally pulled a girl down a hill and she hit the sidewalk.
TC: And now everyone calls her sidewalk slammer. I was called ma’am in class.
WVW: Just last weekend, I farted really loud on the sixth floor of the library.
FN: If you were all back for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?
PB: I’d be super wealthy in spirit.
TC: Lemon still wouldn’t have kissed a girl.
Nick Johnson: I did last weekend. I’ll be covered in tattoos.
TC: Watching movies.
FN: What is your spirit animal and why?
PB: Wolf because I’m the opposite of a sheep.
TC: Pita chips, Cheetos or toast. Oh, and pub mix, Moscow mules
PB: A baboon because I have a super colorful butt.
TC: Dude, those are oregano monkeys.
FN: Do you have any advice for underclassmen?
TC: Say yes to everything.
TC: Say no to drugs, say yes to pizza. You miss 100% of the tacos you don’t eat. Don’t read books, movies are better.
CN: Hang out with movie guy.
TC: Pet more dogs, touch stray cats.
FN: Anything else you would like to add?
NJ: Don’t steal upperclassman’s things.
WVW: Lock your doors.
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