Porch Profile: The Men of 321 Stonemill

By: Erin Ottesen – Porch Correspondent

Juniors Tom Cook, Caleb Negron, Patrick Bernauer, Will Van Winkle, Nick Johnson


FN: How did you all meet?

Patrick Bernauer: Myspace.

Will Van Winkle: I have known Tom since my freshman year of high school.

Tom Cook: OUR freshman year of high school.

WVW: I have known Pat since my first Wal-Mart trip.

TC: Us three bought a fish.

PB: I met Tom on my first day of college ever in orientation, and I was really scared.

WVW: Caleb was on Pat’s floor.

PB: Lemon (Nick), we met on Tinder.


FN: If you could give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?

PB: Most likely to put adobo in cereal, Taz (Caleb).

TC: Most likely to be mad about a girl, Lemon.

WVW: Most likely to tell you you’re wrong would be me. Most likely to be mistaken for a girl would be Tom.

TC: A 12-year-old pretty girl. Most likely to break the fridge, Lemon.

WVW: Most likely to be involved in a pyramid scheme, Taz.


FN: What is on your bucket list for this semester?

TC: Kiss a girl. Find a pet cat, not get one, find one.

PB: Balance work and play equally.

TC: Get married.

WVW: Make said cat mysteriously disappear.

TC: Start 401k, eat pub mix and find our salsa.

PB: Watch movies.

TC: Watch Peewee Herman every day.


FN: What is your most embarrassing moment at UD?

PB: Being asked that question.

Caleb Negron: I fell on my face on the concrete and got this scar.

PB: I accidentally pulled a girl down a hill and she hit the sidewalk.

TC: And now everyone calls her sidewalk slammer. I was called ma’am in class.

WVW: Just last weekend, I farted really loud on the sixth floor of the library.


FN: If you were all back for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?

PB: I’d be super wealthy in spirit.

TC: Lemon still wouldn’t have kissed a girl.

Nick Johnson: I did last weekend. I’ll be covered in tattoos.

TC: Watching movies.


FN: What is your spirit animal and why?

PB: Wolf because I’m the opposite of a sheep.

TC: Pita chips, Cheetos or toast. Oh, and pub mix, Moscow mules

PB: A baboon because I have a super colorful butt.

TC: Dude, those are oregano monkeys.

PB: -orangutan.


FN: Do you have any advice for underclassmen?

TC: Say yes to everything.

TC: Say no to drugs, say yes to pizza. You miss 100% of the tacos you don’t eat. Don’t read books, movies are better.

CN: Hang out with movie guy.

TC: Pet more dogs, touch stray cats.


FN: Anything else you would like to add?

NJ: Don’t steal upperclassman’s things.

WVW: Lock your doors.


If you are interested in being featured in Porch Profiles, please contact A&E Editor Cari Zahn at zahnc1@udayton.edu with the names of your roommates, your address, and one reason why you should be featured.

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