Porch Profile: The Ladies of 306 Kiefaber

Rose Rucoba
Staff Writer


FN: How did you all meet?

Sam Kasmer: Alright! Let’s start from the ground up.

Mary Grace Brandt: Lizzie and I met in preschool. Lizzie liked my Polly Pockets and we haven’t been able to get rid of each other since!

Ellen Saracina: I knew Mary Grace and Lizzie from freshman year and then Sam knew them too.

SK: Yeah. Me and MG were on the same floor and then I met Lizzie through MG. We all lived in Stewart.

Ellie Schuck: And then I got thrown into the mix junior year. We were all in two different housing groups that got smashed together for an 8-person house.

Ellen: Then we kept her!


FN: If you could give everyone in your house a superlative, what would it be?

Ellie: Ellen is the Most Effortlessly Edgy! She’s also Most Likely to Have Goldfish.

Lizzie McCabe: They get everywhere! In her backpack…in her bed…

MGB: I have so many for you, Ellie.

SK: I think Lizzie is Best Dressed. Or Most Likely to Not Be on Time.

Ellie: Sam is Most Likely to Punch You If You Don’t Go Out.

SK: I am not!

MGB: Sam is Most Likely to…she’s like, musical…I was thinking Most Likely to Be Humming or Singing.

Ellie: Sam is Most Likely to Be in a Good Mood…to Be Up Early.

MGB: Most Likely to Make the Coffee—Sam.

SK: Strong coffee.

Ellen: Ellie is…I can’t think of anything for Ellie.

Ellie: OK, new superlative: Sam is Most Likely to Work Hard, Play Hard.

Ellen: Sam is Most Likely to be Doing Yoga in Her Room.

LM: Ellie is Mostly Likely to Be Making Up Product Jingles.

Ellie: And also reality TV shows.

Ellen: Mary Grace is Most Likely to Be Singing in the Shower.

MGB: Sam is Most Likely to Rally Us.

SK: I like that better than the punching one. I think I’m Most Likely to Rally Myself and All of You.

Ellen: Bingo* is Most Likely to Pee on the Carpet.

SK: Bingo is Most Likely to Melt Hearts.


FN: What is your spirit animal and why?

SK: I am a dragonfly because I meditated on it and that’s what came to me. The thing online I used says that I’m “adaptable.” MG, do you have one?

MGB: Mine is ever-changing. I really feel connected to dogs.

SK: That’s Lizzie’s! You can’t take her spirit animal.

SK: I think I’m a dolphin. Sam called me a panda, but I’m going with dolphin because I think they’re really fun…and free.

MGB: Fun, free, and cute!

Ellie: I’m a badger because I’m a Hufflepuff.

SK: MG, you’re an alpaca.

Ellen: Yes! Because she grazes around, but you’re also quirky!

MGB: Don’t alpacas spit in your face?

Ellie: No. That’s camels.

Ellen: Lizzie is a puppy. You’re a cute, chocolate lab because it matches your hair. And it’s happy.

Ellie: I don’t think you’re a puppy. You’re way too organized. And puppies are crazy.

SK: Puppies are way dirtier than Liz.

MGB: How about a zebra?

SK: Why?!

MGB: I don’t know. Like they’re black and white, so they’re…organized and they’re like…I don’t know.

Ellie: I feel like as much as you don’t like cats, Lizzie, you are a cat…Lizzie, your spirit animal can be a mother hen.

All: Yes!

SK: Or a Mama Bear.

MGB: True!


FN: What is on your bucket list?

LM: The cliff…or the ledges. Cliff jumping. We want to go cliff jumping. Some of us will take pictures.

SK: We want to finish our song. We’re writing a roommate song and it’s really funny.

Ellen: This one is getting checked off, but it was on Mary Grace’s bucket list. Almost all of us—but not me or Ellie—performed at TNL last  Thursday.

Ellie: Anything else, guys?

MGB: Spend time together.

SK: We’re pretty good about doing a lot of things.

Ellen: We’ve crossed a lot of stuff off.


FN: What is your most embarrassing moment at UD?

SK: Ellen, I love your story about going into the wrong class!

Ellen: I’m a sociology major and on the first day of class I meant to go to Social Theory, which is a class you usually take your junior or senior year and I’m a senior. But instead I went to a Sociology 101 class on accident with a teacher I’d already had back when I took Sociology 101. It was all mostly freshmen and sophomores, but I stayed in class for the whole time because I was too embarrassed to be like, “I’m a senior. This is my major” and leave, so I didn’t. I missed my whole first class because I was in Sociology 101. And this was last semester, but I think I do that once a semester. I went up to my teacher after class and he was like, “What are you doing here?” and I was like “I don’t know.” He was very confused.

SK: I feel like you win for the best story, Ellen.

LM: Mary Grace missed finals once. She swung her legs over the side of her bed, fell asleep, and woke up with her legs hanging over the side of the bed…and missed class.

SK: Our popcorn parties!

MGB: We end up coming back from going out, and we end up having popcorn when we come back.

SK: We make this giant thing of popcorn.

MGB:  In the morning, there’s popcorn in our shoes, in every room of the house!

SK: But we aggressively recruit people to come back for our popcorn parties. We’re quirky gals.

MGB: I feel like we embarrass ourselves on a daily basis.

Ellie: Bingo peed in Wal-Mart.

All: Yes! So embarrassing.

Ellen: And he’s never been back there.

SK: He peed as I was dragging him down the aisle, so it was all the way across the floor. And I saw it and went into “Mom” mode. I jumped onto the floor, reached into his little pouch and grabbed out the cleaning supplies. I had pee all over me. The little cleaning pack wasn’t enough for this guy. He peed like 3 gallons!


FN: What advice do you have for underclassmen?

SK: Live it up!

LM:  It goes by fast.

Ellie: Make time for your friends.

SK: You don’t remember the grades you get on your tests or papers. You don’t remember any of that. You just remember the fun things you did.

MGB: Say “yes.”

Ellen: I was thinking that, too! I think this year I’ve just been saying yes… maybe to too many things, but sometimes you need more “yes” to fun things.

MGB: Just try everything once. And learn to like dogs. Be open. Oh! Life motto: “Everything is fine.”


*Lizzie McCabe has an aid dog-in training named Bingo


Photos by Christian Cubacub – Multimedia Editor

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