Porch Profile: The Gentlemen of 425 Kiefaber
By: Katy Hoeper – Staff Writer
FN: How did you guys meet?
Alex Baldwin: Our first year, we all lived in Founders.
Richard Bogusz: Third floor.
Ben Gialanella: Richard and I lived on the better side of the hallway.
AB: That’s questionable.
Danny Lillis: And I lived in Stuart for one semester, then moved to Founders second semester.
RB: And we have lived together pretty much ever since.
RB: It’s pretty cute.
FN: If your house came with a warning label, what would it say?
Andrew O’Sullivan: Beware of the dawgs.
DL: Beware. You could get it.
RB: Treat yo self.
AB: That’s not a warning.
RB: It could be. Warning: severe indulgence.
FN: Care to share your most embarrassing moment at UD?
RB: One time we found Andrew in our RA’s car asleep. Late night, if you know what I mean.
DL: There have also been some bed wettings. Across the board.
RB: Also some laptop wettings.
DL: Rich left a concert once, went to the alley outside, laid down in the grass.
BG: Where all of the, you know, stray cats and dogs go to the bathroom and stuff.
DL: And took a nap. Hands folded over his chest.
RB: Burial style.
FN: Give everyone in your house a superlative.
DL: Andrew is Most Likely to Microwave a Hot Dog.
AO: We don’t even have a microwave anymore.
RB: Okay, so just Most Likely, then.
BG: (To AO) Man, this is so bad for you.
RB: Future Andrew: “Yeah, they wrote about us in the paper, but it was just my roommates tearing me apart the entire time.”
AO: Ben and Alex are Most Likely to be Mistaken for Each Other.
RB: Danny is Most Likely to Have an Iron Deficiency. Or Most Likely to Not be Seen Again. Or Most Likely to be Buried Alive in Daytona.
AO: Most Likely to Sleep on the Air Mattress.
DL: Richard is Most Likely to Wear a Beanie with his Suit.
AO: Most Likely to Wake Up the Neighbors with his Snoring: Alex.
DL: Most Likely to Have Multiple Wives: Andrew
AO: Best Cook: Richard.
FN: If you could add something to UD, what would it be?
AO: They should bring more concerts here.
RB: A zip line from Fitz Hall to the Rec.
DL: Outdoor Adventure Club special interest house for all of the years to come.
AB: An 18-hole golf course on campus.
RB: “Sorry I’m late, professor, pace of play was terrible.”
BG: And every house would come with a golf cart. We could race them down Kiefaber.
RB: If OAC got the Outdoor Engagement Center, that would be awesome.
AO: Move the football field to Baujan.
RB: They should put a dome on Stuart field. Yeah. I’m thinking big picture here.
BG: I don’t know, I’m pretty satisfied with UD as it is.
RB: Yeah … thanks Dayton.
FN: What cartoon from your childhood would everyone be?
DL: I was thinking Ben could be like the big friend from “Hey Arnold.” You know, the one that is like the butcher’s son or something? And Baldwin would be the sloth from “Ice Age.”
AO: Not a cartoon.
DL: Close enough.
BG: Danny, you would be the cat, and Rich, you would be the dog. Together you would be Catdog.
RB: Ben would be one of the Angry Beavers.
BG: I’m trying to think of a cartoon that fits Andrew, but no one is tall or drunk enough in a cartoon.
AO: Guys, it’s fine. I’ll just take Johnny Bravo and be done with it.
DL: Did you just self-appoint yourself Johnny Bravo?
RB: No, you’re definitely Shaggy.
FN: What’s your favorite spot at UD?
DL: Before the construction, the spot between St. Joe’s and the chapel.
AB: My front porch. Or Fieldhouse Friday.
AO: Out of all of the bars, I would definitely agree on Fieldhouse.
BG: Whoever discovered that out of our friend group deserves a high five.
RB: 113 Jasper St.
AO: The top of Stuart Hill looking down at the field.
FN: If you guys were visiting for your 10-year reunion, what would everyone be up to?
BG: Richard will be married. Definitely have three kids. And probably be a millionaire.
DL: That’s a busy 10 years. Andrew and Ben will be happily married to each other with an adopted Asian child. They will have finally come out of the closet.
BG: (laughing) I hate my friends.
AO: Danny will be happily living off his parents, and things will still be looking up. And besides that, no one knows what Baldy will be doing.