Editor’s Note: Columnist Riley Quinn is not a licensed doctor … yet.
Roses are red, violets are blue, whether you are single or taken, here is an article for you!
Feb. 14 can be as bittersweet as Godiva chocolate. It is no wonder why this romantic
holiday stirs up a multitude of emotional romantic illusions, even for the strongest and most
independent single guy or gal on campus.
The honest truth is that we all want someone to fill us up with love and passion on Valentine’s Day. We desire to be in a romantic relationship for security, excitement and companionship and cynically loathe ‘cutesy’ couples for all of their endearing happiness. Be honest with yourself; does this resonate with you?
I recently heard a friend of mine refer to this romantic holiday as “Singles Awareness
Day.” How silly it is to think that a day originally devoted to acknowledging loving
relationships, has managed to shift into a monument of our single, unromantic shame.
I propose a new outlook on love. Rather than focusing all of our energy on the hot,
passionate love interest we may currently lack, let’s imagine what our lives would look like if we
turned inward.
Instead of finding completion in the arms of a romantic partner, fill yourself up
with a spiritual love connection. One of the beautiful lessons I have learned throughout my yoga
practice is that we all hold the love we desire within ourselves. This may sound like a trippy,
new-age hippie concept, but trust me, it works. When we release this idea that something outside
of us can compensate for what is lacking within, beautiful things happen.
Here is your glorified self-help manual to a fiery hot Valentine’s Day:
Demystifying the “Special Relationship”:
Take a moment to examine whom you have made special in your life. In many cases, we
deem our romantic partners as more valuable and more important than the relationships we have
cultivated throughout time. We create idols of our partners and unconsciously separate ourselves
and others from their “divine presence.” When we are living in a way where we are making
people sacred and separate, we are putting them on a pedestal. We put so much faith in our idol
and expect them to continuously provide us with love and support that we forget when our idol
falls, we fall with them. When we have a special partner, we begin to act out in jealous ways.
We manipulate and attack the people who are talking to our “special” partner. This is because we
live in constant fear that if our romantic partner leaves us, we are no longer complete. Recognize
whom you have made special in your life and how you are separating yourself from them.
Focus on the Content, Not the Frame:
In our society, we are overly focused on these questions of whether or not our romantic
partner is calling us on time or buying us dinner. We are completely sucked in to these egoistic
illusions and forget to focus our attention on the important material, like whether or not they
inspire or make us a better person. This is not to say that you cannot have a “frame.” You should
be unapologetic in what you want in a relationship, but be more conscientious of bringing more
content to your list. Let go of what the relationship needs to look like.
Make your Friendships More Romantic, and your Romantic Relationships Friendlier:
This is the absolute key to a passionate romantic life. Have you ever realized that the
human experience is notorious for placing uncomfortable pressure on our romantic partners? We
freak out when the guy doesn’t call back or when the girl doesn’t respond immediately via text.
When a friend doesn’t respond right away, we don’t obsess and overanalyze it.
This is because we choose to make our romantic relationships more special than our friendships. The secret to a romantic life is in awakening to all of the love relationships that surround us. Become aware of how you can bring romance to your brotherly relationships and deep friendship to your romantic partners. Remember, it is not about the frame “you are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend,”
but rather the content.
Are you having fun in your relationship, or is it chaotic and serious?
Honestly acknowledge your relationships for what they are, and strive to bring more love and life
to all corners of your world.
Build a “Romantic Relationship” With Yourself:
Begin to create romance in your everyday life. When you live in this energy of constant
love, you become a magnet to attract more love. Think about it, what is sexier than being on
a date with someone who is completely in love with who they are?
That person is not needy, manipulative or controlling. They show up to the relationship with all of the love they need and they let their partner off the hook. Take yourself out on a spiritual date. In that yoga class, cooking dinner or walking through campus, bring the romance to your life and awaken to the beauty of the world. Call in the divine love around you and center yourself for fifteen minutes
twice a day. Feel the energy of love rush over you in your romantic time alone and you will
always have a place to turn to when that partner doesn’t call you back and you are single. You
will always know where to go. This allows you to become fearless in your relationships. You are
irresistible to the people around you because you are constantly taken care of, inspired, fulfilled
and in love, even if your romantic partner is not providing for you in this moment.
